If Cats Were Your Girlfriend

For years debate has raged over cats vs. dogs. The arguments from both sides have been looking at things the wrong way. Just imagine for a moment if cats were your girlfriend. Would you still love them unconditionally? Do they act faithful, loyal and grateful, cherishing being a special part of your life as dogs do? How many of you would put up with the conditions endured? Think about it…

You’re Always Paying For Dinner: When it comes to food its always a big deal. When cats are hungry all you hear is that annoying noise coming out of their mouth. Not to mention that cats are picky and unappreciative. One meal they can enjoy what you have prepared or ordered and the next they wont like it, turning their nose up at it like you should have known better. Not a single word of thanks either! Unbohlievable! After they have finished eating they vanish, until they want something else from you. Worst of all though, they never bring their purrrrrrrse and you’re always paying for dinner.

They Shit in Your House: This is by far and away the weirdest to understand… Not only do we accept this, we cater to it. A clean environment is provided to them with a specific area inside our house dedicated to their business. Its like it’s a secret, creeping around at odd hours so it’s not obvious of what is occurring. We clean up after without a single word of thanks and pretend that it’s not happening under our roof.

Affection: Like it or not affection is always on their terms, no coercion is possible, even after hours of trying. No quantity of good deeds or positive reinforcement will increase your chances of “getting some”. The problem lies when they do though it’s amazing, making you feel so special. Making cool sounds and vibrating, evoking you to smile widely and taking you to that happy place. They always feel so soft and smell lovely. What makes it so special though by their nature, you are not sure when you will be as lucky again so you savor it like its a single piece of baklava. Cats drip-feed you affection just enough so you don’t go elsewhere or question the scarcity of the interactions. A never-ending battle, its like it’s a game, a game where you do not hold the aces and is impossible to come out in front.

Wait a minute…

Big love,

Nath.