Blind

I had my eyes closed, I couldn’t see you.

As time passes, life moves on and the wounds heal, everything seems so simple and crystal clear. You arrive at a place where all the small insignificant things seem so laughably so and are filled with a sense of sadness and regret. A longing for a different outcome knowing what you know now.

I close my eyes sometimes and thoughts of your smiling face fill me with a warm sense of happiness followed by a sense of self-loathing and sadness when I open my eyes to see you’re not here. The goose bumps are followed by shaking of my head when I think about all those times I looked into your eyes and wanted to tell you how much I love you and what an incredible human you are. Telling you that being with you makes me want to be the best man I can be and how grateful I am that you appreciate me for who I am, albeit uniquely flawed. Instead, not allowing those words to pass my lips out of fear of not being able to survive if my heart was smashed into a million pieces again if I fully committed and became vulnerable. That place where true connection can occur and explicit imprinting bonds two people together. A part of my heart was closed that wouldn’t allow seeing your light and allowing it fully engulf me. I wasn’t ready for you, even though I have been searching for you my whole life. I know I wasn’t the man I needed to be either so I don’t feel resentment you seeing other things without me, they weren’t mine to see.

There are more than 3 things, there are a million things that remain unseen.

If love is blind, why do I see so clearly now?

My eyes are open.